Hello world!

Well after constant badgering from my endearingly eager Canadian chum, Gabe, I’ve dragged Max’s random notes, kicking and screaming, back from the basement/gimp chamber like some sort of hideous monster.

Since so many old friends are crawling out out of the wood work and friending me after several years in the wilderness i thought it only fair to give everyone a fresh page and give a quick over view of the battlefield known as my life.

My Job:

Currently I work in intelligence for a government agency. Which makes sense given my criminology degree. Sounds exciting huh? Well it ain’t really.I could tell you what i do but then i’d have to kill you. Not intentionally of course but the ordeal of listening to me drone on about DOIs and RFIs (you don’t need to know what they are) for longer than five minutes will have you bleeding from your eyes and you’re brain turning to liquid. Its an awesome interrogation technique. In reality my working life is like a pedestrain episode of 24 that lasts only 7 hours and is completely filled with excel spreadsheets and nose picking. Occasionally I shout “Get me the President!” but only because I never have to call anyone.
Actually the older i get the more i appreciate everyone eventually looks at their job like that, one of my mates became a surgeon recently and i was like “Thats amazing! Saving peoples lives!” and they mumble something about how its all administering injections and quite boring really. Once you’ve seen one injury you’ve seen them all etc etc.
Thats about it. I spend alot of my time wondering if i can set the printer to stun and wipe out management and the rest of the time weighing up the pros and cons of jumping on a desk and shouting “fuck you all i’m going backpacking!” Most of my co-workers have learnt its best just to ignore me or at least to grin and nod before changing the subject.

My place of residence:

The one thing i love about my job is that I live next to Arsenal tube and it takes me a mere 18-19 minutes to get from my bed to my desk, a miracle in modern london. Trust me i’ve got it down to an art form. Sometimes i don’t even have time to finish my sudoko puzzle in the paper before i have to leap off the train. Also working flexi time means i don’t have to be in work till 10am and thus can sleep till 9:30, missing the stress of the rush hour.
The house on the other hand is a piece of shit however i like mice so no need to moan.

Drinking:

I still don’t drink. I got drunk earlier in the year for the first time and found it a complete waste of time. If anything it made me more quiet than normal. The only thing i found is that when i’m drunk my vocabulary expands exponentially and i find myself using words I’ve never used before and may/may not exist.

I also stumbled into a girls toilet but it jumped out on me i swear.

Girls:

I’m about to spend my first full calender year single since I was in my teens. I have a right hand that could crush boulders into dust.